The 17 Stages of Running On A Treadmill
If you absolutely hate the treadmill, your run may look a little like this.
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Call me dramatic, but I can’t stand running on a treadmill. I hate it. I don’t think there will ever come a time when I will think, “OH BOY! I get to go run on a treadmill today! Lucky me!” If you’re like me and you want to light it on fire, here are the 17 stages we experience while running on a treadmill.
1. “YES! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on! OH NOOOOOO! This isn’t The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! This is that terrible Vanderpump Rules show! Now what am I supposed to watch. Back to the cooking channel. People are judging me for watching the cooking channel. I can feel it…”
2. “Alright— 1 mile warmup. I can run 1 mile in my sleep.”
3. “Wait that’s too slow. No, now that’s too fast. This can’t be a 9 minute mile! This sucks. Man I hate this. No wait, there we go! This speed feels natural! Maybe today’s the day that I will finally fall in love with treadmill running!”
4. “Seriously? 1/4 of a mile? How is that possible?! I feel like I’ve been running for at least an hour! Maybe if I put this towel over the screen time will go faster.”
5. “Alright now I’m definitely at 2 miles…¾ OF A MILE! WHAT THE HELL!”
6. “1 mile! FINALLY! I’m just going to do speed work and get out of here. That will make the time fly by!”
7. “Why am I so sweaty! I think my sweat is flying onto the guy next to me. DANGIT! I dropped my towel! Maybe he will pick it up for me…Nope. He’s walking away and he’s definitely wiping my sweat off of his arm…”
8. “I am going so much faster than the person next to me. Wait, they’re starting to go faster? Are you seriously trying to race me?! You are definitely racing me! Eat my dust!”
9. “OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. Oh thank God! They’re slowing down! Holy smokes! Alright, almost done. WHAT! I’VE ONLY RUN 2 MILES!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE! THIS MACHINE IS BROKEN!”
10. “2 more miles. 2 more miles. Dig deep! You’re a marathoner! You can do this!”
11. “Am I running really loudly? Why am I running so loudly?”
12. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. I QUIT!”
13. But then the treadmill is like:
14. And you’re like:
15. And the treadmill is like:
16. But you’re all:
17. And by the time you finish arguing with the treadmill, you realize another mile has gone by and you can actually quit with pride.
Running on a treadmill may not be my cup of tea but even the worst run on a treadmill is better than no run at all. (At least that is what I keep telling myself.) Stay strong my treadmill runners! Until tomorrow, #RunSelfieRepeat.