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To all of our friends, coworkers, significant others and family members, I want to apologize on behalf of the entire running world. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, runners are a huge group of endorphin-drunk liars. Now the lies are never intentional or intended to hurt you, we’re just running that fine line between a constant state of runner’s high and exhaustion! Here are 9 lies all runners tell.
1. Where we are.
“I’m 5 minutes away,” we scream into a phone, already 10 minutes late to brunch. The truth of the matter is, we’re not 5 minutes away. We’re at least 2 miles away and we’re moving slow because we’re having a really bad run. Whenever a runner tells you that they’re 5 minutes away, a good rule of thumb is to assume they are at least a mile (or two) out.
2. How long we will be gone.
“I have a 13 mile long run tomorrow so I’ll be back in two hours.” Oh really? In what world is that true? You’re going to throw down a personal best during a training run just so you can get an extra 30 minutes of sleep and still make it to that family birthday party on time? Look, we all know that you want to finish your long run as soon as possible but don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping.
3. Pace and intended effort level.
Runners are always lying about their pace. “Let’s do a 3 mile easy run,” we say to you with a sheepish smile. Then we start running and within 2 minutes, you feel like you’re going to pass out. Pushing 7:30 minute miles is your easy pace? Here’s a disclaimer, “fast”, “easy”, and “short” have at million different definitions to runners. Can we all agree that “easy” means snail’s pace?
4. How far we are going to run.
Whether it’s a 6 mile run that becomes a 2 mile “F*ck this I’m going home” run or a half marathon that becomes a marathon, we rarely run the distance that we say we’re going to run. If I had a dollar for every time a 3 mile recovery run turned into a 6 mile run because I ran into a friend, I’d be able to register for every half marathon in America (OK that’s a lie).
5. When we say, “It doesn’t hurt that bad.”
Raise your hand if you’ve uttered the phrase, “It’s a pain but it’s a ‘dull’ pain.” Delusional is a word that comes to mind when dealing with a running related injury. Don’t run through pain. Missing a week of running while you figure out if it’s an ache or an injury won’t ruin your training (why is that so hard for us to wrap our brains around?).
6. Taking Time Off.
This is my favorite, “I’m definitely going to take the time to recover after that (insert race here).” I’m willing to bet $100 that you won’t make it 5 days without going for a run. If a runner tells you they are going to “enjoy” their vacation or “take it easy” while they recover, it’s safe to say that it’s a lie.
7. When we tell you that we will be quiet in the morning.
The struggles of living with a runner are real, especially when we have a predawn wake up call. Even when we try to lay out our clothes and attempt to get ready like ninjas, we still sound like a stampede.
8. “I’m never doing that again.”
My personal favorite phrase that I scream after every bad run or race, “I’m never doing that again!” and 24 hours later, I’m looking for my next half marathon to register for.
9. When They Tell You How Much Fun They Have.
I think once you become an endorphin drunk runner, you forget the difference between pain and fun. That or you just lose your damn mind and find joy in discomfort (which actually may be the case, now that I think about it…). Strike that, we aren’t lying when we tell you we’re having fun suffering through a tough run. Every painful step is worth it once that rewarding runner’s high sets in.
What are your favorite lies runners tell? Until next time, #RunSelfieRepeat.