How do you know if someone is a runner? I mean, if you don’t already know, you might just be living on that new planet.
Here’s how you can tell if you’re not sure:
- Runners will chatter incessantly about which route is the hilliest or which road has the meanest dogs or which streets to avoid if you don’t want to have to pause your GPS watch.
- Instead of lunch, they’ll do RUNCH and maybe have a smoothie and a bar afterwards (see below).
- Their social media is full of the following types of posts: selfies of them on the road, on the trail and on the ‘mill; inspirational quotes and pictures; descriptions of their runs; mileage; pace….
- They might disappear for hours on end, early in the day on Saturdays and Sundays and come back home sweaty, tired, grumpy—and happy.
- The closets of runners might actually have more running clothes than work or casual clothes. These clothes may or may not be organized by color, sleeve-length, season and technical-ness, The others may just be in a big pile in the middle of the floor. If you are married to a runner, find another closet.
- The sheer amount of tech talk by runners is astounding. Many will have several watches and activity trackers—Fitbits, Garmins, Suuntos, Vivos, Milestone Pods. Timex’s…and use every single one of them.
- Those who do a lot of trail running are unabashed about popping a squat anywhere. There’s a lot of coffee and bodily function stories amongst runners in general, so if you’re new to running—DON’T BE ALARMED. This is completely normal.
- There may be more powders and packets in the pantry than canned goods or oatmeal. From Hammer to Carbo Pro, GU Brew and Nuun, they’ve got the electrolyte imbalances of the entire neighborhood covered.
- The shoe collection. That is all.
- If they’re injured, you will NEVER hear the end of it. Not being able to run is akin to the end of the world, basically.
- Bars—there will be many bars. Kind Bars, Larabars, Picky Bars, cardboard-like bars…yup. They’ve got those in the pantry too. And in their desks at work, in their pockets, and in their purses—you know, because just in case you get rungry.
- They may have no money right after payday because they might have accidentally signed up for their entire year of racing in one fell swoop on Ultrasignup or Active.
- They’re typically happy people, but annoyingly so. You know the type—overly perky in the morning, even without caffeine, bouncy and giggly, too energetic. UGH! The nerve.
- They may also do none of the above and simply go for a run whenever they want, basking in the glow of endorphins.
So if you have a hunch that someone is a runner, you should definitely go and investigate. Throw on some running clothes, meet them at o-dark thirty in the morning and see what this running business is all about. And then prepare to clear your pantry of food and your closet of work clothes. You’ll have a new habit to attend to.