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If A Runner Wrote A Super Honest Dating Profile

One runner did, and it's hilarious.

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Photo courtesy of
Photo courtesy of

I’ve always wondered what someone’s dating profile would look like if they were totally honest with the application. Better yet, what would a runner’s profile look like? I was once told by a good friend to “hide the weird” until I got to know someone. But honestly, the older I get, the more I like to be upfront about letting my freak flag fly…or in this case, my “runner flag.” So here’s what I think it should really look like when you’re swiping:


I am 24 years old, but I am oddly similar to my 92-year-old grandfather. I like waking up at the crack of dawn, enjoying a cup of coffee and heading out for a run (okay, he doesn’t do that anymore). On Sundays, I attend the “Church of the Long Run.” That means taking it easy on Saturday nights, so I would not recommend asking me out on a Saturday. I have run two marathons, but I am guessing that number will multiply quickly in the next few years, which means training year-round, which means being social is really out of the question. My family is amazing and quite large; they once drove the family minivan up and down a race route cheering for me. Also, I have never stopped my Garmin on an odd number. Ever. I have a problem with oversharing with non-runners, because I assume that most people want to hear about everything we discuss on runs, as well as all about running in general, including bathroom matters and chafing.

Related: 25 Thoughts Every Girl Has Before A Running Date

What I’m Doing With My Life…

I work full-time and travel almost every week. My mornings are spent running. When I am in a new city for work, I like to sightsee by running from monument to monument. Sometimes at night I go out, but most of the time my bed and an early night proves a lot more appealing. I curate my social events and vacations around my race calendar. And even when I do go on vacation, I still get my runs in; I am just a nicer person that way. My biggest accomplishment is keeping the Duane Reade on the Upper East Side in business by purchasing at least one half-gallon of ice cream per week.

I’m Really Good At…

Getting up before the sunrise and only on odd numbers. 5:01 a.m. is a good one. Curating running playlists (I currently have two subscribers to my “Run Happy” playlist. I am working on generating more excitement.). Sleeping on airplanes—seriously, when I tilt my head backwards, I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. During marathon season, I am really good at falling asleep around 8 p.m. I am also good at finishing everyone’s leftovers at a restaurant. Don’t order fries unless you want to share them with me.

Related: 9 Reasons Why You Should Go On A Running Date

The First Things People Notice…

If I get dressed up, I usually get complimented. But that’s mostly because I keep the standard low by wearing running clothes 90 percent of the time. If I remember to put on makeup outside of mascara, it’s a big day. Keyword…if. Oh, and my quads. They’re pretty muscular. FYI to dates of the future: Telling me that they’re large is never a compliment…ever. I prefer “strong” or “badass.”

Favorite Movies/Books/Etc.

Born to Run, The Running Brain, Runner, Galloway’s Book on Running, Why We Run, Once a Runner—you get the idea. I subscribe to Women’s Running magazine and Runner’s World. Did I mention Born to Run? I really liked that one.

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About…

If I will ever regain the toenails I’ve lost. Like seriously, is anyone thinking of a solution for this? And what I am going to eat next. Life is infinitely more exciting with fun foods.

A Typical Friday Night Looks Like…

Get home from work, check my phone for peer pressure-filled texts from friends to go out, check my training plan to see that I indeed have a long run in the morning, promptly change into pajamas, stop pretending I have FOMO, make a solid pasta dinner, and pass out. Oh—and make sure my Garmin is charged, although I forget that one a lot.

Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit…

If you run with me for 30-plus minutes I’ll pretty much tell you anything. No need to reveal it all here…

Message Me If…

You need a running partner. I always need more running partners. If you like running around 5:30 or 6 a.m., even better. Oh and a date. That’s why I’m on here, right? Just make sure it’s early.