Culture

What It Would Be Like If Runners Ran The DMV

We have rounded up 8 pieces of proof that show the DMV would be run a lot more smoothly if runners were the ones in charge.

DMV

Of all the errands on our collective to-do list, is there anything more dreaded than a trip to the DMV? The lines, the paperwork, the waiting periods—the whole thing can be a total nightmare. If runners were in charge, things would probably move a little more smoothly. Need proof?

Here’s what it would look like if runners ran the DMV:

Photos

Any runner who has taken a less than flattering race photo knows how frustrating it can be to work so hard only to end up with a crappy picture to commemorate it. The new DMV will help avoid bad license photos by rewarding customers who wait patiently in line to take one extra reshoot per every 10 minutes they have to wait.

Beer

During the hardest races, sometimes the only thing pushing a runner to the finish line is the thought of that post-race beer. To keep the peace at the DMV, runners would be sure to offer an ice-cold beer on the way out (emergency tequila shots will be kept behind the desk for customers who are told they will have to wait more than eight weeks for their request to be completed).

Driving Tests

Runners are some of the friendliest and most encouraging people around. At the new DMV, all driving tests would be administered by runners—no nerve-inducing frowns, grimaces or sighs allowed, only high fives, cheers of “you can do it!” and bystanders holding up motivating signs along the route.

Snacks

Race aid stations are the saving grace for countless tired runners. With runners at the helm, long DMV lines would peppered with tables serving energy-boosting snacks and good mood-enhancing caffeinated beverages to keep spirits high.

GPS

Runners live by their GPS watches, so customers will be provided with DMV-specific watches that deliver up-to-the-minute statuses on your place in line and track your heart rate to make sure it doesn’t get dangerously high when you haven’t been served yet.

Coaches

Every runner needs a little help sometimes, and there’s nothing like a good coach to get you through tough times. At the runner’s DMV, coaches will be available to help customers when they hit the wall and run out of energy to stand in line or are overcome with negative thoughts about ever getting out of there.

Online registration

Runners would never run races if they had to go somewhere in person to register every time. License renewals? Car registrations? New license plates? Everything could be done online if runners were in charge of the paperwork.

Corrals

Runners are used to lining up by pace group before a race. If they were in charge, customers would be screened before entering to determine how long their issue will take and then directed into the appropriate corral so as not to hold up the rest of the group.