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Ah, the marathon aftermath. That terrible time when your body is screaming, “What did I just do?!” while your mind is dabbling in the possibility of running another marathon … soon … or later … or never. Along with these universal post-marathon truths, here are the other 26 (.2) ways to tell that you definitely literally just completed 26.2 miles.
- You’re walking down the stairs sideways.
- You can’t stop eating everything in sight.
- You have red blotches on your skin in odd places from chafing.
- You’re napping in your parked car, on the side of the road because you’re too tired to drive home from the race. Getting up at 4 a.m. and running 26.2 miles is hard work!
- You’re wearing a shiny, disposable blanket …
- … And yet, you’re still shivering because you haven’t changed your clothes.
- You’re obsessively checking your phone to see if official race results have been posted online.
- Your Facebook status is a post-race selfie, complete with a goofy grin and a shiny medal. And it’s complete with all the congrats!
- You smell terrible.
- You have one less toenail than you did before, or it’s at least teetering toward the end.
- You’re screaming as you torture yourself with a foam roller, but you know you can’t stop, won’t stop.
- You’re planning your outfits to wear with your new race T-shirt, sweatshirt, jacket, beanie, socks, hat, fill-in-the-blank for the next few weeks.
- You’re frequenting the bathroom. Enough said.
- Every chance you get, in any random place you find, you’re stretching your legs. A leg propped up on the wall of the elevator is normal, right?
- You are looking at the person talking to you, but you aren’t hearing what they’re saying. You’re just cruising through .2 over and over again … or cruising into your bed.
- You are sitting down, and you don’t think you can get up. Ever.
- You use the phrase “I just ran a marathon” in every sentence, even if it doesn’t perfectly fit into the conversation.
- You limp and walk strangely due to blisters in weird crevices of your toes and chafing rubbing in sensitive spots.
- You burst out crying when someone tells you congratulations and have to hold back going into your entire reason for running. Post-race emotions are a roller-coaster!
- You’re wearing compression socks, no matter if they go with your shoes and outfit. Recovery is a full-time job.
- You’re shamefully texting your finish time to any runners who care and sheepishly sharing it with others who don’t.
- Your favorite shirt has numerous safety pin holes in it, and you’re wondering if it’s ruined forever.
- You’re in a bath full of ice, or at least you’re on your way toward one.
- You text your spouse, roommate and/or significant other in the next room to ask him or her to bring you the remote since you can’t get up from the couch.
- A medal is hanging from your neck as you pump gas, get a coffee, go to the store—anywhere. And when the novelty wears off, it’s hanging in your cube at work.
- You have a giant smile on your face that will not come off. YOU RAN A MARATHON!
And that most important “.2” way to tell you just ran a marathon? You’re online, signing up for another race.