Culture

26.2 Signs That You Literally Just Ran a Marathon

Ah, the marathon aftermath. That terrible time when your body is screaming, “What did I just do?!” while your mind is dabbling in the possibility of running another marathon … soon … or later … or never. Along with these universal post-marathon truths, here are the other 26 (.2)…

Ah, the marathon aftermath. That terrible time when your body is screaming, “What did I just do?!” while your mind is dabbling in the possibility of running another marathon … soon … or later … or never. Along with these universal post-marathon truths, here are the other 26 (.2) ways to tell that you definitely literally just completed 26.2 miles.

  1. You’re walking down the stairs sideways.
  2. You can’t stop eating everything in sight.
  3. You have red blotches on your skin in odd places from chafing.
  4. You’re napping in your parked car, on the side of the road because you’re too tired to drive home from the race. Getting up at 4 a.m. and running 26.2 miles is hard work!
  5. You’re wearing a shiny, disposable blanket …
  6. … And yet, you’re still shivering because you haven’t changed your clothes.
  7. You’re obsessively checking your phone to see if official race results have been posted online.
  8. Your Facebook status is a post-race selfie, complete with a goofy grin and a shiny medal. And it’s complete with all the congrats!
  9. You smell terrible.
  10. You have one less toenail than you did before, or it’s at least teetering toward the end.
  11. You’re screaming as you torture yourself with a foam roller, but you know you can’t stop, won’t stop.
  12. You’re planning your outfits to wear with your new race T-shirt, sweatshirt, jacket, beanie, socks, hat, fill-in-the-blank for the next few weeks.
  13. You’re frequenting the bathroom. Enough said.
  14. Every chance you get, in any random place you find, you’re stretching your legs. A leg propped up on the wall of the elevator is normal, right?
  15. You are looking at the person talking to you, but you aren’t hearing what they’re saying. You’re just cruising through .2 over and over again … or cruising into your bed.
  16. You are sitting down, and you don’t think you can get up. Ever.
  17. You use the phrase “I just ran a marathon” in every sentence, even if it doesn’t perfectly fit into the conversation.
  18. You limp and walk strangely due to blisters in weird crevices of your toes and chafing rubbing in sensitive spots.
  19. You burst out crying when someone tells you congratulations and have to hold back going into your entire reason for running. Post-race emotions are a roller-coaster!
  20. You’re wearing compression socks, no matter if they go with your shoes and outfit. Recovery is a full-time job.
  21. You’re shamefully texting your finish time to any runners who care and sheepishly sharing it with others who don’t.
  22. Your favorite shirt has numerous safety pin holes in it, and you’re wondering if it’s ruined forever.
  23. You’re in a bath full of ice, or at least you’re on your way toward one.
  24. You text your spouse, roommate and/or significant other in the next room to ask him or her to bring you the remote since you can’t get up from the couch.
  25. A medal is hanging from your neck as you pump gas, get a coffee, go to the store—anywhere. And when the novelty wears off, it’s hanging in your cube at work.
  26. You have a giant smile on your face that will not come off. YOU RAN A MARATHON!

And that most important “.2” way to tell you just ran a marathon? You’re online, signing up for another race.