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*Courtesy of RunHaven
If you want a runner to like you more than he or she already does, there is one easy trick. Support your runner in what he or she loves — running. Whether you are a runner or not, chances are you know one. So, if you hope to show your love and affection, get laid or merely be a good friend, try one or all of these ideas.
- Do all of your runner’s disgusting laundry, fold it and put it away. Be sure not to comment on any permanent skid marks.
- Surprise your runner in the middle of his or her long run with a thumbs-up, some toilet paper and a Snickers. Or with whatever floats his or her boat.
- Make the ultimate sacrifice and offer to give your runner a foot massage. Better yet, just buy a gift certificate to a pedicurist and let a professional do the dirty work.
- Give the gift of a race registration.
- Spend 20 solid minutes listening to your favorite runner spew numbers, bodily function experiences and thoughts about the last long run or race. Make eye contact and give your undivided attention. Don’t forget to say things like, “Wow!” and “You are so amazing” as much as possible.
- When your runner finishes his or her first marathon or half marathon, have a goodie bag ready at the finish with a 26.2 or 13.1 race sticker, a bottle of his or her favorite wine or beer, a sweet congratulatory card and some bath salts.
- If your runner is injured, provide alcohol and a shoulder to cry on. Don’t take it personally if you become a punching bag and are exposed to a litany of curse words and irrational thoughts.
- Tell your runner you can’t be at a race due to a scheduling conflict, and then show up and surprise him or her on the sidelines with a humorous or inspiring sign. Sign verbiage idea? “If it were easy, it would be called your mom” is always a good one.
- Frame one of your runner’s race bibs, preferably from a race that did not result in a DNS or DNF.
- Offer to ride your bike alongside when your runner goes for his or her long run. Be sure to emphasize that you are more than happy to go 5 mph for 20 miles.
- Without asking, take all of your runner’s race medals and have them melted down and recycled. Just kidding. Do not do that. Ever.