For anyone who hates being cold just as much as they hate running on a treadmill, winter running can be a struggle. What’s to love? You end up wearing too many layers, which makes you sweat your butt off, which in turn makes you even colder than you were before you started. It’s a vicious cycle! If you’re like me and find winter running anything but enjoyable, then I give you 13 thoughts every runner has during a winter run…
1. “It won’t be that bad.”
And so begins the extensive pep talk that begins hours before your run and doesn’t end until you’re a mile into it. “It won’t be that bad” you think to yourself. “It’s not even that cold outside!” (Yes, yes it is but you keep telling yourself that.)
2. “Do I need more layers?”
You don’t want to be too hot…but then again you don’t want to be too cold.”Do I need more layers?” You text to your running buddies, hoping that someone has already run and can tell you if you’ll regret your third layer.
3. “Should I just run on the treadmill?”
NEVER! “Winter running is still better than the treadmill. Winter running is still better than the treadmill. Winter running is still better than the treadmill…” You think as you click your heels three times hoping to look up and find yourself transported into Spring. Nope, still winter! So you do some high knees and dynamic stretches to get warm inside and after 15 minutes of stalling (I mean warming up), you take off.
4. “Oh sh*t.”
It isn’t just cold. It feels like a dementor is sucking out your soul.
5. “Am I crying?”
“Get it together! It’s not THAT cold!” Ok, so you’re not actually crying. Your eyes are just watering so they don’t freeze over.
6. “My nose is running faster than I am.”
I hope you enjoy the fact that your nose is going to run faster than you ever will because there’s no stopping that train.
7. “I feel like the wind is stabbing me with one million knives.”
“Was I supposed to start with the wind at my back or was I supposed to run into the wind? I feel like I’m being stabbed with one million knives!”
8. “I can’t breathe.”
Why is it so hard to breath when you run in cold weather? It hurts! It hurts so much!
9. “I can’t feel my toes!”
“Oh my god, I can’t feel my toes. Is this safe? I should Google it. OH GOD I CAN’T FEEL MY FINGERS. SIRI!?!? SIRI HELP!” I knew I should spent the extra $20 and bought those gloves with the fingers that let me touch my phone’s screen! Siri! Don’t judge me but is it OK that I can’t feel my toes?”
10. “Wait…now I’m too hot.”
Right when you think you’ll never be warm again, you’re too hot! “Oh no!” You proclaim whenyou realize that once again, you overdressed. The second you take that third smoldering layer off, you will surely freeze.
Two words that send chills down every runner’s spine—black ice. Not only is the possibility of hurting yourself very real but black ice is a sure fire way to bruise your ego (and your tailbone).
12. “This shower is going to hurt.”
You’re finished. It’s over right? Not so much! Now you have to get into what will surely be the most painful shower of your life. Why is a post-winter run shower so painful?! It feels like you’re being stabbed! STABBED I TELL YOU! (That’s a serious question. If someone has an answer to that, I’d love to know. SIRI! Why does it feel like I’m being stabbed when I take a shower after a cold run?”)
13. “Psh, it’s not THAT cold.” #HumbleBrag.
But at the end of the cold day, there’s no better feeling than when a friend, family member, loved one, or coworker hears about your winter run and says, “Did you just go for a run?! Woah Kelly, you are so intense! It’s freezing out.” “Psh, it wasn’t that cold.” You say as you do your best Gone with the Wind fabulous hair flip. “Just a short 6 miles.”
Stay warm out there winter runners! The first few winter runs are always tough but try to be patient until you adjust. In the meantime, go invest in some awesome hats and running globes. Spring will be here before we know it! Until next time, #RunSelfieRepeat.